Thursday, April 19, 2007

April 20, 2007 Just gotta ask . . .


I have learned a lot about myself lately and a lot about the world around me (my ecosystem, I like to call it). I am aware that I have fears about this cancer and about the effect it's having on me, my family, my friendships, and even my adorable little puppy, Rex. Poor thing hasn't been walked in forever. He's definitely suffering along with me as I moan on the sofa.

I saw my oncologist on Tuesday before chemo and she didn't have enough samples for me of the "good + expensive" antinausea meds. She cheerfully wrote me a script, telling me that my co-pay would only be $50 or so. What???!! Later I had it filled at my local Walgreen's, and she was right. I asked the pharmacy clerk, "What is the regular price for this pill?" He said, "About a hundred bucks." I was stunned and said, "Last time you told me it was a THOUSAND bucks a pill." He politely said, "Nope, three pills, $320, without insurance." And I had been fretting about this for weeks, wondering where I was going to find some more free samples. Boy, am I glad I asked, and asked, and asked, instead of giving up. I just couldn't believe the pharmacy company would gouge cancer patients for $1000 a pill.

Another fear, another moment of Zen:
I'm lying on the exam table, arms above head, as my oncologist examines me and measures my shrinking (yes!) tumors, and I say, "So . . . I have this fantasy. " She and I both laughed (I'm glad she didn't run from the room). I went on to say that my fantasy is that the chemo will shrink all the tumors so much that I don't have to have the axillary lymph node dissection. We had a long discussion about what would happen in surgery, my prognosis, and other things I had been wanting to discuss for a long time but was afraid to. While the news wasn't all good, it was heartening to know that the surgeon I had been referred to (Linda Smith) was highly skilled and I could expect an excellent result. Another fear -- zapped!

Thursday was rough. Two days post chemo #3 and I hadn't eaten much, had more nausea than I could stand, headaches, and body aches from the Neulasta shot. By 10 pm I felt a little bit better. I had a half a banana and a little rice for dinner!

Here's good news: I have discovered the worst weight loss diet ever: chemotherapy! Darn it, it works. I'm down ten pounds. I wouldn't recommend it.

During my chemo #3 I asked the nurse, Kellee, what she wanted other women to know, something I could share in my blog. We talked about the latest research, about uses of new drugs for different cancers, and other newsworthy items. But the most startling thing she said to me was that of all the breast cancer patients she sees, the overwhelming majority of women find their cancers themselves through self-checks. Well, that's how I found mine, but I thought I was in the minority. Kellee reminded me that we can do self checks anytime, and once a month is recommended, so it's more likely that you'll find a lump than with a once-yearly mammogram.

Aren't you glad I asked?


Thanks to all the fabulous females and sweet-as-candy men (you know who you are) who helped me this week. Sorry I've been incommunicado lately but it's hard to talk when I feel so horrible. Today I feel much better, and I think I'd better go walk my dog and get some sunshine before he revolts! and bolts!

WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE: Living with fear is a lot worse than living with cancer.








7 comments:

Unknown said...

Thank you so much for sharing all that you are fighting. It helps us who can do nothing but cheer from the sidelines. Shrinking tumors and a good dog .... thank you so much for the good news. I belive you put a big enugh smile on my face for me to go catch some bugs on my next motorcycle ride.

Cosmogrl said...

WP: Your sense of humor is amazing. Thank you for making me laugh and cry at the same time. Sorry to hear the chemo is as bad as ever but glad you got some discount pills ($100 is better than $1000 - think of how many shoes we can buy with the leftover $900!! ;o)
PS Rex is adorable as ever.

Unknown said...

HI Gracie Dear,
I finally figured out how to blog, all because of YOU! Alaska is rooting for you and the migrating lines of geese and sandhill cranes drop news of you as they go by...I am looking forward to just talking to you again and seeing the New Mexico sunshine in May. Keep eating you need your strength. Toast w/ raspberry jammmmmmm Love you
carol annieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Char said...

Hey Grace. Just like Carol, I have never used a blog, but now I start. See what influence you have on others! I have been keeping tabs on you through your blog and it sure is great to see that you are keeping up your sense of humor. Your honesty about your feelings touches me deeply. There is never a day that goes by that I don't think about you. You are one special lady. Rex looks pretty special too (the dog lover in me just has to come out).

When this is all behind you, maybe I'll head out your way and we can take our POCKETBOOKS out to lunch.

Charlene

Warrior Princess said...

Hey people! Thanks for the kind words and shopping inspiration! After a couple of bad days, I'm starting to feel better and ready for my Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk on Sunday! Only 5 miles, but I'll do my best. We should have a good turnout -- we'd better not forget the sunscreen!

Susan R. said...

Hi Grace,

This is your Kappa friend, Susan R.! Lesly filled me in on your news. Please know, your are in my thoughts and prayers. This is my first time reading a blog!! Thanks to you, I am becomming hi tech!!
Loyally,
Susan

Warrior Princess said...

Hi Susan R!

Thanks for dropping by!