May 2, 2007 Halfway there, livin' on a prayer!

Been feelin' pretty crappy since my last treatment. I had a little breakdown during the chemo drip and felt a little claustrophobic. I just wanted to get out of the place. The nurse gave me a prescription for some anti-anxiety meds because I was FREAKING OUT. I haven't taken one yet, but my stomach is in knots. I have a bunch of anti-nausea meds that I'm taking, so I should be OK until about 4 pm on Wednesday. I'm lucky two friends, Trixie and Barb, stopped by in the middle of my treatment, so I was immediately distracted. The nice man in the chair next to me described his treatment and that made me feel better. I was overreacting, I know.

So here's something funny: I had been reading about this chemo brain fog, a condition that includes forgetfulness, spaciness, etc. For a while I was spared but this last week was a doozy. For example, I just wandered around my house for about 45 minutes after getting ready in the morning before work, wondering what I needed to do. Total fog! I told my doctor and she laughed (apparently she thinks I'm funny). She said only professional women & men with tight schedules notice that fog. She said I will be fine after it's all over, but here's my thinking . . . . I want to have this excuse for a long time!

May 6, 2007, finishing this post. It's the weekend and I haven't felt right since my treatment. I am drowsy and fatigued all the time. I can't even think of the word "chemo" without my stomach turning. I really don't know how I'll get through the next four treatments, even though they are supposed to be easier. I don't know how I'll get through working next week! Eating has been weird. Sleeping has been weird. I'm just not myself anymore.

The fog continues. Plus, my allergy to mulberry tree pollen is in full swing, so that adds to the misery. I have had the most amazing nightmares. The last one involved work and it was so real that I woke up thinking it had actually happened. I almost called my boss!

So you want some good news? I had a great time on the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk last Saturday. The weather was gorgeous and I walked with Team Green Alene, with Alene Hardin as the chief survivor (I am just the junior survivor). Team Green Alene does it up right. We had a tailgate party at 7 am with breakfast burritos, fresh, giant, nuclear strawberries, and juice. We started at 8 and were finished before many had even started. It was so fun to get out there, even though I felt like a freak in a way. But I didn't care! Here we are at Mile 2.

In the photo are the Hardins (Alene took the photo) along with the biggest flirt in Albuquerque, Karen Hoffert. Beside me is Callie Bryan, my daughter's friend, who ran the 5K. Rachel was hiding. She probably was embarrassed because I wore the Breast Cancer Survivor Sash they gave me as a necktie. I mean, honestly, who wears a sash? Besides the homecoming queen, I mean.

I sure feel better when I get outside and exercise. So that's good news. And some of my tumors continue to shrink, so that's good. The others aren't growing, but they don't seem to be shrinking as much as the other ones are. Surgery is still scheduled at the end of July.

Take care everybody!

PS the title is for all the Bon Jovi fans out there!